One cat who I use to love pushes me beyond angry,
This is not good for me,
Not good for her,
So I’m going back before my half sister murdered mom,
Forced my younger sister to drink herself to death,
Back when family gathering were for first time in my life fun,
Dad was in nursing home with demensia,
No more loud,drunk ,
Mr Controlling bossy pants,
Gatherings with dad along or with his brother,
Always to much booze,
Always told why things were not right,
Whose to blame,
The its Val’s fault parade would start,
While mom and I cooked got house ready for family,
Dad sat and drank,
In yard,
At house,
Or in truck,
At farm,
At table food wasn’t being past fast enough,
Pick feast on Val was going right along,
Ellen’s husband treated son Daniel same way,
Tears would come,
Ellen would usually repremand Shawn,
Ellen in tears’Shawn leave Dan aline!’
Often I wished someone would have stopped dad before he had stomped all over me,
Mom couldn’t ,
While dad slept mom and I did things,
Never saw dad even wrap a gift,
Hell only gift Doc Heike got was for mom,
Neighbor with cabin on Bear Lake,
Called mom ‘Saint Marian!’
It was his eldest daughter that suffered the most,
Me,the gay daughter,
Some family gatherings first me,then mom,
Then Ellen we were all in tears,Dad I guess thought he had fulfilled all he had to do,
We would still be eating,
Boys would have risen and left the table by now,
Dad would have announced he was ready for dessert,
Go off to his chair,
From there he’d nag,
I’d be clearing the table,
It amuses me like Cinderella I cleared while they conveniently cried,
Like a spoiled child dad ate dessert first,
Everyone had to be quiet,Still,
No frivolity dad was napping his chair around corner of dinningroom,
Then speed up memories dad’s in the nursing home,
Now our family gatherings were with Ellen in her home,
No one cried,
For years two years dad was in nursery home suffering with dementia,
Funny dad wasn’t like those others,
Dad was still dad just no booze,
He saved things for me,
Like placemats and stamps,
He never asked my forgiveness,
It was like we were finally friends,
Except for that night in ninety-two September when Shawn kicked dad out of his house for using the fuck word in front of his sons,
Funny that the boys and my great nephew ages three,two,and one were friends with that word their fathers not articulate loved to say Fucker!
Dad started to walk home it was just three miles,
On my way home I stopped to give dad a lift dad called me a “Fucking Whore!’
I left him screaming through my tears I drove away I was thirty eight was raped at eighteen,
Never wanted a man see no worth on the whole in the whole sex,
In two years dad escaped twice tried to come home,
I was proud then of my dad, Still agree I could not care or help both and only ever loved mom.
I was a full time student,
Carring for the garden,
Mom,
Doing wash,
Cooking,
Driving Amish for gas money,
We were being harrassed by Diana Lee Heike Dudley,
She Gaslight mom for four years,
Slandered me with lies,
Through it all we all suffered,
So tired,
As full of pain as my guttless baby sister who not once came to my door,knocked and said she was sorry,
Or told me she knew better,
You don’t throw away blood,
I’m tire,
I’m done,
Quite is ,
Still,
Then you n a blink I have traveled space and time,
Celia in Florida called I was watching the Marine on tubi,
When movie was through I returned her call,
Sophie slid across new books,
I blew up and swore,
I’m sure if she ever talks to me again I will be scolded for being so uncaring for her in her hour of need,
We all hurt,
We all have monsters,
I hate being instructed on how to behave on the phone by a kid ten years my junior,
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bully-wise/202007/the-bully-narcissist-work-toolbox-coping
https://www.verywellmind.com/effects-of-narcissistic-abuse-5208164
https://www.quora.com/How-would-a-narcissist-care-for-their-frail-elderly-parent
Val's Whitewolf Books 